All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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