nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
