You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
