I smell stomach acid.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
