My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize