I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize