Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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