We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
