She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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