he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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