Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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