he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
