my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
