Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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