i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my shit smells like andre
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
