Whod you bang
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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