i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
