my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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