I got chris browned last night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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