I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
