I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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