I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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