so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
