every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize