You're my little dorito
id be glad to
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
