One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
