Porn is love you can see.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
