I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize