Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
