Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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