the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
