I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
