Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
