And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
