FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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