I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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