and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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