I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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