so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
