hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
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Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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