She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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