some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
