Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
