You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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