I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
