i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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