i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
