your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
