the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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