PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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