He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
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there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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