you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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