I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
