Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
