I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
