I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
