why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
