well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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